Where the Heart Is
by PCGirl
Summary: Set in 2016; Natalie's been in the FBI for two years, and after a sudden loss is helping the McBain's remember what is truly important and what family really means.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters are property of ABC/Disney. I'm just using them for my own personal fun-no harm, no foul.

A/N: I began this story back in 2013. And I really never believed I was going to continue it, but I woke the muse back up and she wants to keep it going. Who am I to tell her no? The first 3 chapters are 99% done. And I know where the rest of the story is headed. There's someone out there who has read part of this chapter and the next. Hope you are glad to see it continue on. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

 _Dallas, Texas: Spring 2016_

Natalie walked into the diner and smiled at the waitress that she had gotten to know. Two years of living here it felt almost like home. After the last incident with Allison Perkins going after her dad she'd been recruited by the FBI to be one of their forensic techs. She remembered the conversation her and Bo had about it,

" _Bo-do you have a minute?" asked Natalie as she caught him going towards his office._

" _Sure. Come in. Everything ok?"_

" _I'm not sure-I just got a call from the FBI. They would like me to come in and do an interview for a Forensic Tech position. Do you know anything about that?"_

 _Bo smiled as he walked over and sat on the corner of his desk, "Yes. After the case they helped us on they reached out to me. They wanted to know if I thought you would be a good asset to their forensic program and I told them absolutely. No doubt in my mind."_

" _Really?" she said, shocked that he would think that._

" _Sweetheart-you are amazing. I've known it forever-and now they see it too. Please think about it. I know it's a big step- that you'll be away from your friends and family while being a single mom. If anyone can juggle it it's you, Nat. And you'll always have a spot here at the LPD when you feel like you need to come home."_

 _Natalie smiled and wiped away a stray tear, "Thanks Uncle Bo. It means a lot coming from you."_

So she'd moved herself and Liam to outside of DC while she spent the next six months studying their courses and techniques at Quantico before going to her first assignment. Jessica had moved to Texas after the loss of Ford and made a name for herself at a local newspaper without using the Buchanan influence so Natalie requested to be transferred here, close enough to Jessica but still far enough where she could gain her own independence as a single mom.

The sisters would meet at the ranch once a month to let the kids see each other while the two of them would catch up and enjoy being under the same roof again.

But she was ready for a new start-she'd miss her sister, but felt like her and Liam needed something new, but still familiar. So today after finishing her lab work she'd looked over the Bureau's job openings around the country to see where she might go to next. There was one that popped out of her and it felt right.

Natalie shifted some in the diner seat as she pulled her phone out and made the call. They talked-occasionally, but it usually stayed pretty short. She wasn't really sure how he would feel about her request.

"Nat-hey. How's my favorite nephew doing? And his wonderful mom who still hasn't come out for a visit? The FBI keeping you too busy in Texas?" smiled Michael McBain, surprised that she was calling.

"We're great. And that's why I was calling-I was thinking of making a trip to see you soon."

"Yeah? That's great. How long are you thinking of staying?"

"Well, that's the thing-there's a Forensic Tech Supervisor position open in the FBI field office there-."

"Do it," he interrupted, knowing she was about to start babbling until she talked herself out of it.

Natalie laughed at his abrupt response, "Tell me why. Plus, I have to interview first and I'm pretty low on the totem pole right now."

"Because Liam's family is here-Me, Marcie, Gabe, Ginny, Mom. And you are part of our family too-even if my brother screwed up. Mom would love to get to know her other grandson. I'm sure once the Seattle field office sees how great you are they'd be crazy not to give you the job."

"And what happens when John comes for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"He won't," he said, his voice sounding hurt.

"He doesn't call you any?"

Michael shrugged, "He will on holidays and birthdays. Remember those walls you tore down? They are all back up-and made out of titanium this time. Nothing is getting through."

Natalie nodded, she had expected them to cross paths-but it hadn't happened. She'd attempted to reach out to him while still at Quantico-gave him a heads up, but never heard anything back. "I remember when you came to town-you had some pretty high walls too."

"Yeah, but finding Marcie changed that," he smiled. "When will you come for an interview?"

"I'm not sure. I'll let you know though. Give Gabe and Ginny a hug for me. Ok?"

"Will do. See ya, kid," he said as he hung up the phone and chuckled at himself at the thought of her and Liam being close by.

* * *

 _Six Months Later_

Natalie put her CSU bag in the back of her car and pulled out her cell phone to check her messages.

 _Hey, I've got an emergency case and will have to stay late tonight. Give the kids a kiss for me and tell them I'm off tomorrow so to be ready for pancakes._

She smiled at the message—when she'd taken the job and moved out here she hadn't been expecting any of this. A month after getting here Marcie had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Natalie and Eve had jumped in with no reservations and immediately started taking care of the kids, letting Michael spend as much time and energy as he could to help Marcie. But nothing worked-she'd been gone a month now.

Towards the end Marcie had told Natalie her fear-that Michael would be like his brother after loss and close up those McBain walls tight. Pushing everyone away-the kids included. She'd seen it start, was ready to stay true to her promise with Marcie and fight him on it, but then they came back down and he focused on all of them, Liam included. It warmed her heart to know even at his darkest moment Michael was able to be a male role model for his nephew.

When John hadn't shown up for his sister-in-law's funeral she was half surprised and half wasn't. It wasn't brought up between her, Michael, or Eve, but all three of them were ready to give him an earful if and when he did show up.

They just kept pushing along doing what needed to be done in order to keep everything as normal as possible. There had been a few bumps in the road, but they were making it work. It was nothing physical—they had agreed to that in the beginning, for Marcie's memory and the fact that she was connected to his brother before. It was just two friends helping each other out while trying to navigate suddenly being single parents.

Driving the rest of the way in silence she reached the house and pulled in, going through the lower door of the house first. She had her own apartment closer to work, but this in law suite was a second home for her and Liam, a place for them to stay when Michael had a late night, or they'd stayed late and didn't feel like going home.

After showering and changing into something comfortable she went upstairs to see the kids sitting in front of the television watching a cartoon, "Hey guys."

She smiled as all three jumped up and ran to hug her. "Were ya'll good for grandma?"

"Always," smiled Eve as she came from the kitchen.

"Michael sent me a text—he'll be home late. Do you want to stay for dinner? I mean, unless you have something to do tonight."

"No, I'd enjoy it. Thank you for asking, Natalie. Why don't you relax and spend time with the kids? I'll start dinner."

"You sure?" she said uneasily.

"We're family, Natalie. Even if my son was stupid enough to walk away you are helping my other son and his kids through a tough time. That makes you family," she smiled as she took her hand and held it tightly before walking into the kitchen.

* * *

Michael came into the house and was greeted with silence—walking upstairs he checked on the kids and kissed them both goodnight. Coming back down he steered himself to the fridge and got a beer—sitting down in the darkened living room. Looking at the fireplace mantle he smiled at Marcie's picture, "I miss you, babe. Wish you could get to watch our kids grow up."

"She will—just not from here," said Natalie quietly as she walked up the steps from her quasi-apartment. "Sorry—if you want to be alone."

"No, get yourself a beer and join me," he said as he patted the couch.

They sat there in the quiet for a few minutes before Natalie talked, "Years ago I never would have imagined this. John having decided to walk away from his family, and Marcie—."

"Not having a choice. You can say it, Natalie. I'm a doctor, remember? I looked at those scans over and over again—the cancer, it was just too far progressed when we caught it. I keep thinking if I'd done something different—a stronger treatment done sooner."

"It's not your fault, Michael. And what John did isn't my fault either," she said and paused before speaking again. "I think tomorrow—after we have your world famous pancakes I'm going to take Liam out for a bit. So you can spend time with your kids."

"You don't have to be a stranger just cause I'm home. You are family, Natalie."

"That's the second time I've heard that today," she laughed and took a sip as he looked at her. "Your mom. And I'm not being a stranger—I just, I feel like I need to spend some time to focus on just Liam. And your kids need you—Ginny brought up Marcie again tonight."

"Ok. It's good having you here-I wouldn't have made it these past few months without you."

"I guess we should thank John then," she laughed and sipped her beer some more.


	2. Chapter 2

When there was a knock on the front door Michael was surprised—he hadn't been sure if Natalie was coming back here or going to her apartment for the rest of the day. Either way he knew she had a key so it wasn't her. Opening the door he was shocked at seeing his brother, "John."

"Hey Mike—Mom didn't tell you I was coming?" he said, noticing the look of surprise on his face.

"No, it must have slipped her mind—come in."

"Listen, I want to start off and apologize for not being here for the funeral. It wasn't right."

Michael wanted to yell at him, punch him, not just for that, but for what he put Natalie through as well, but lied instead, "Yeah—I get it. Sometimes work gets in the way of the stuff that really matters. So how long are you staying?"

"Not sure. Can I drop my bag in the spare room?"

"Sure—upstairs, second door on the right," he said, wondering exactly how he was going to tell Natalie. Going for his phone he practically jumped when he heard Natalie's car pull up. Looking upstairs he ran down the steps and was in the apartment before Natalie had made it in with Liam.

"Hey," he said quietly and stopped Liam before he had a chance to run up the steps to be with his cousins. "Buddy—can you go to your room for a minute? Your mom and I need to talk."

Natalie watched as her son obeyed and then stared back at Michael, "What's going on?"

"I—," but he was stopped as a voice called out from him on the top of the steps.

"Mike—where'd you go?" called John as he made his way down the steps and walked into the doorway to see his brother and Natalie standing there with a shocked looks on their faces.

Natalie let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a groan, "Nice of you to show up for your brother's well being finally."

John took her in, it'd been four years since he'd seen her last, and she was as gorgeous as ever, "I'm sorry-I didn't know you were visiting."

"I'm not. I live here. Well not here-but Seattle," she stopped as she heard Liam come out of the room at hearing the voices. "Liam, honey, why don't you go show Gabe and Ginny what you got at the zoo earlier," she asked and watched as he went past John and up the stairs. Turning to Michael she attempted a smile, "I was thinking we could grill out tonight. How about I go to the store to get the stuff for burgers? You two can catch up," she said as she grabbed Michael's arm for moral support and walked out the door.

John turned and looked at the door and the steps-not sure which way to go before sitting down on the couch, "Wow. You two? Really Mike?"

"What? Seriously, John-you think we're sleeping together? I-I just lost Marcie, and I see Natalie more like a sister than anything else. You think we think that little of our relationship with you two do go down that road? Ever."

"I'm sorry-I just."

"Why are you here?" he asked as he sat down beside him, his voice filled with anger at his brother at the moment. "Why didn't you show up a month ago when I called you and told you Marcie was gone? Because I could have really used you those first few days. Natalie and mom were here-Natalie's been here six months, but they were focused on the kids. It was what Marcie asked of them-to help Gabe and Ginny have as easy of a transition as possible. But where were you?"

"I chickened out. I wasn't sure who all from Llanview was going to be here for the funeral and I wasn't ready to face it. So I figured maybe if I just laid low for a month-then I could show up later and be there for you then. The pain doesn't go away that quickly, but the people do-I know that from experience, Mike."

"No, it doesn't. And yes-some people from Llanview came. Rex and Gigi. Roxy. Jessica. But they all went home-Natalie lives here. She took a job in the Seattle field office a month before Marcie's diagnosis. If you think you can avoid her you are wrong. Plus there's a boy upstairs that I'm pretty sure is wanting to see his dad."

John looked towards the doorway before hanging his head, "I wasn't sure he knew who I was-the way he walked past me without saying a word."

"He was reading off of Natalie's body language. That if she wanted him to acknowledge you she would have done it. But she didn't so he didn't ask questions-just followed her lead. He's good at that. Like someone else I know," he said as he cracked a smile and shoved his weight against his brother. "Come on-let's go see if I'm right."

As they made it up the stairs John saw his son sitting on the couch alone, holding the ACPD patrolman's hat in his hands that Thomas McBain had meant to give John all those Christmas' ago. Sitting down he studied it for a few moments before speaking, "Your grandfather bought that for me years ago-did you know that?"

Liam nodded, "Yeah. It's Gabe's now-but I like playing with it too. When I put it on Grandma Eve says she sees you from when you were a kid. Are you staying here?"

John looked around to see if Michael was there for guidance, but he had left the two of them alone for a long overdue heart to heart, "Liam, I came to Seattle to help your Uncle and cousins out. I'll be here for them as long as they need me-and I'll be here for you as long as you'll let me. I'm sorry I haven't been around."

Liam looked up at John and John saw his eyes were filled with tears, "Did you miss me?"

At the question John's eyes began to mirror Liam's, pulling him in a side hug he kissed the top of his brown hair, "Every single day, son. Every single day."

* * *

Natalie stood at the kitchen window watching John and Michael play football with Liam and Gabe. It was nice-seemed normal almost. You would never have guessed one of those father-son pairs hadn't been around each other for four years.

Seeing Eve she handed her a plate to dry as she kept washing the dishes. They were quiet for a moment before Eve spoke up, "I owe you an apology."

Natalie turned to look at the woman she'd been so close to having for a mother-in-law, "For what?"

"I knew John was coming a few days ago and I didn't tell you. Or Michael. But especially you. My son got onto me earlier for it-that it wasn't right for it to be suddenly sprung on you like that. I guess I was just scared."

Natalie gave a soft laugh, the woman was as strong as she was, if not more. Without ever meeting Thomas McBain she knew it was John and Michael's mother that they got their strength from, and just like them the only thing she was afraid of was the loss of a loved one, "Of what exactly?"

"That you'd run and hide from us while he was in town. Or decide maybe this area wasn't for you and Liam afterall. I don't want to lose the relationship I've started with my grandson, and I know Michael really values your support and friendship."

She looked back out at the window and saw John was looking this way, "When John came in I wasn't here, but I arrived just after. Michael came downstairs to warn me, and John-well, he thought for some reason me and his brother were having an affair of sorts. Please tell me you don't think that's why I'm here, Eve."

"Never. And I'm shocked my son would even think that. I'll have to have a talk with him later. Now why don't you, me, and Ginny go find something us ladies can do? Leave the boys to play their game."

* * *

John sat at the kitchen table in quiet. Natalie had taken her and Liam back to her apartment. And his mom had just left, but not before chastising him for what he thought was going on between Michael and Natalie. He should have known better-and he did. It was more the shock value of her being here. Seeing his brother come in the room he nodded before he got a beer and sat down across from him, "You had to tell Mom what I thought was up before? Really Mike?"

Michael shook his head, "Wasn't me, bro. Natalie though-I wouldn't put it past her. There are times I see the scared AC girl I hear about from when she first became a Buchanan-the one that feels like an outsider and imposter. Even when Mom and I tell her she's family she doesn't 100% believe it because her last name isn't McBain.

"Marce-she planned her own funeral. The songs, the flowers. All of it. She made sure that Nat and Liam were to walk with us and the Walsh's for the family procession. Natalie and Marcie always had a rocky relationship because of Jenn. But in the end it didn't matter-she's been there for mine and Marcie's kids these past five months when neither of us could do much at all."

John smiled, remembering how she always loved and protected those around her, "That's her. I-I've missed that. Missed a lot."

"Yeah. You have," he said quietly to himself. "You still with the FBI?"

"Nope," he said as he rotated the bottle in his hands some. "I put in my notice last week. Knew I needed to be closer to my family."

"Which one?"

He laughed at the question. He'd meant Michael and the kids, but now seeing Natalie and Liam tonight he wasn't sure which, "She didn't really say much to me tonight."

"Give her time. One thing I've learned is you never put Natalie in a corner. Unless you want a black eye."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Reviews are silent-hoping someone besides myself is enjoying this story. This chapter has some of my favorite scenes so far. Enjoy! Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie studied the pool table and broke. She'd dropped Liam off at school and then taken a personal day-needed to clear her head about what happened with John showing up. Him being in town was a shock-she was glad he was here for Mike, and glad that him and Liam seemed to be ok together. They'd always had that bond-she was glad the years of silence hadn't seemed to detract from that.

Looking up towards the door she saw him come in and gave him a nod as he came over, "Glad you could make it. We need to talk."

"Yeah, we do," he said as he grabbed a pool cue then watched her work the table. "I had no clue you were here, Natalie."

"I figured that by your reaction. Did you know I was in the FBI? I tried to contact you-to tell you."

"Yeah, and I couldn't be happier. I was really proud when they reached out to me to get my thoughts," he said and watched as she got rattled and missed a shot he'd watched her get hundreds of times.

"They reached out to you? How did they even know we were connected?"

"Bo, I guess," he shrugged, surprised that her Uncle didn't tell her that part.

Natalie gave a half grin, he always was one of their cheerleaders. Maybe there had been a part of him that had hoped they would cross paths at some point.

"You know-there were a few cases I wish I'd had you on, but I kept my distance. Last I heard you were in Texas," he said as he aimed and took his shot.

Natalie's eyebrows shot up at the admission, "You were keeping tabs on me?"

John sighed, it came out different than he'd planned, "No-not like that. There was a case last year-the FBI agent that was called in-Aaron."

"Yeah, I remember him," she said with a soft smile. "Nice guy."

"Yeah-he's my partner. Or was-when I first joined the FBI and went through Quantico," he said and laughed at her reaction. "After the case our paths crossed,"

" _You seen anyone lately?" asked John as they sat at the bar after calling it quits on the case for the night._

" _No, but there's this forensic tech that I met at my last assignment in Dallas. God-I can't get her out of my head."_

 _John just nodded, "Yeah, I know that feeling."_

 _Aaron's face lit up as he began talking, "Irish-she was amazing. Like she could walk into the scene and see the whole picture immediately-and her hunch was spot on every time._

" _So one night we met up by accident at this bar. Said it wasn't normally her thing anymore, that being a single mom she didn't get out much. But a family member was in town so she decided to have a night to herself. She's originally from Atlantic City like you."_

" _Really," said John as he bit his cheek before taking a swig back of his beer. There was no way-no possible way. "Describe her to me."_

" _Absolutely beautiful. Long red hair, bright blue eyes. A smile that you can't help but smiling back at."_

 _John nodded and cursed to himself, this was not going to end well, "Did you play pool?"_

" _Yeah, we did actually. I figured I'd go easy on her-let her break. She ran the damn table, John. I think she might be better than you."_

 _John smirked, 'that's my girl' he thought, as he pulled his phone out and scanned his photos til he found the one of him and Natalie outside of Rodi's and then slid it over to his friend._

" _Oh shit," said Aaron as his eyes got huge._

Natalie laughed, "Please tell me you didn't beat him up."

John smiled, Aaron had been right-both her smile and laugh were contagious, "No, I didn't. He swore nothing happened."

"Nothing but some shameless flirting," she said. "There's only room for one guy in my heart right now, John-and that's Liam."

John nodded, "I know."

"What are your plans now? Join the Seattle PD? Or the FBI office here? There's some cases I've had already that could definitely use your skills."

"I don't know. I came here to help Mike out-I don't want to get sucked into the job yet. That's the difference between us-you can put the case away at the end of the day and focus on what is really important-family. A big case lands in my lap and I'll put it ahead of everything else-that can't happen right now."

Natalie nodded, "Don't forget about our son, ok? Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to help Gabe and Ginny so much that he slips to the side a bit. That's why the day you came I had taken him out for a mom and son adventure."

John understood, "Well, now with me here there's 3 kids and 3 adults. They don't have you and Mike outnumbered anymore."

Natalie was quiet for a moment before leaning on her stick, "I have a question for you-and I know you don't like to _talk_ , but I need a straight answer. When everything was figured out. That my dad was behind the restraining order and it was removed you stayed in the FBI. And then I joined, contacted you and almost expected you to join us so you could be near your son. But you didn't. Instead you missed four years of Liam's life instead of two. Why is that?"

John put his head down, saying it in his head first sounded so damn selfish, "I guess I thought it was better if I wasn't around. That you were doing better without me so I just left it that way."

Natalie almost wanted to laugh at his response, "You thought we were doing better without you? You think me doing it all by myself is better than us having a little bit of a hash out then figure out how to co-parent our son? That is the biggest cop out I've ever heard.

"Two is always better than one John. Always. That's why I want to help Mike during this time. Because I know how hard it is. And yes-Roxanne Balsom's parenting style sucked, but even the best parent in the world will struggle alone. You know that because your mom did it with you and Michael. But unlike him and your mom-I've been doing it while you were still breathing. You've chosen to ignore your son. Too bad Marcie and your dad didn't have the choice," she shouted, throwing the pool cue on the table and going for her jacket and purse.

"Natalie-wait. I'm sorry. I knew it sounded bad before I said it."

She turned to look at him, her eyes burning with anger just then, "You are here now-I'm not going to keep your son from you, but I don't want you to feel stuck with helping me raise him. I can parent on my own just fine. Tell your mom and Michael we won't make it over there today. Like you said-it's two on two-no one is outnumbered now with you around."

* * *

John stood in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room watching Ginny and Gabe color. What he said to Natalie had been eating at him all day-he'd said it all wrong. He'd never wanted her to do it all herself when it came to raising Liam. He had just known that if he was near her then they'd just hurt each other again-and probably Liam this time as well.

"I'm glad you are here," said Eve as she walked up beside John.

"Me too," he said with a half smirk. "This is where I need to be right now. It feels good. Right. You know? Helping Mike out with this. We didn't really have anyone to help us like this when Dad died."

"No, we didn't. Just the three of us until Michael went off to boarding school. And then it was just you and me. You know who else I'm glad is here?"

John knew this was coming-had been expecting it, "Who?"

"Natalie. It's more than just meaning I get to know my grandson. I remember that first time I met her and Marcie. Marcie threw that dinner party and I got to meet them both along with Jessica and Antonio. I knew then that both girls were meant for you and your brother."

John just shook his head and gave her a bashful smile, "If you are thinking that Natalie and I are getting back together."

"Oh why not? You two work."

"Sometimes. And sometimes we can't stand to be around each other or we almost forget the other one exists."

"What are you right now?"

"I think about 70-30 for," he joked, wondering if Natalie thought it was more 20-80 against at the moment.

"That's doable," she smiled and patted him on the cheek.

John rolled his eyes and turned to see Michael walk into the house, "Thank God you are here."

"Why? Is everything ok?" he asked worried something was wrong with the kids.

"She wants to know when Natalie and I are getting back together."

Michael grinned, "Don't hold your breath, Mom."

"Why? Why can't your brother and Natalie be happy together?"

"I'm not saying they can't-because they will-eventually. This is how these two work. They are not in each other's orbits for awhile then they slowly start this dance. But neither will move until either Natalie is in mortal danger or decides to move an ocean away from him. Then this schmuck finally admits his real feelings."

"Schmuck, really?" laughed John.

"Yep. Rinse and repeat. Ad nauseum," he said, giving his brother a look before breaking out in a big grin.

"Nice."

"So Mom-if you want these two to get together I suggest popping some popcorn and wait. Because it'll happen-it'll just take too damn long like always."

John looked upwards at ceiling before talking, "You make it sound so charming, Mike."

"It is. In this weird romantic tragedy kind of way. Where is my third favorite redhead anyways?"

John coughed and then rubbed the back of his neck, his tell that he was nervous, "She told me they wouldn't be coming by tonight."

"Ahh. So what the hell did you do Johnny?"

John's head shot up and looked at his brother, "Why do you immediately expect this to be my fault?"

"Because it usually is and I saw you rub the back of your neck. You've done that since we were kids. Now spill it."

"She had me meet up with her earlier so we could talk. I kinda let it out of the bag that I've known she was in the FBI this whole time-."

"And?"

John cocked his jaw, good grief this was going to hurt, "And that I didn't get transferred to her because I thought it was in everyone's best intentions to stay away."

"Oh, John. You didn't," said Eve McBain in a disappointed voice.

John nodded, "But it came out sounding a whole lot worse."

Michael just shook his head and went towards the pantry and brought out a bag of popcorn before taking a handful then passing it to his mom, "You want some?"

"You aren't funny, Mike," growled John.

"No, I'm not. Now you need to go to the apartment and fix this."

"Really? Just go over there-while our son is home-and tell her I said it wrong earlier. What happened to not backing her into a corner?"

Michael nodded at he took another handful of popcorn, "Ok-let it go for now. But John if there's one thing these past five months have taught me is life is way too short. Don't drag this out, please. We aren't promised tomorrow."

John nodded, he knew that, and he also knew he had to fix this soon.


	4. Chapter 4

Natalie was surprised when she walked upstairs after cleaning up from work for the day to find it quiet. Normally it was homework being completed, games being had, or just simple coloring time while dinner was started. Instead, the tv was off, and walking towards the kitchen she saw two beer bottles and a bottle each of whiskey and vodka sitting on the island.

"Hello?" she called out to the empty house then turned at hearing John coming down the steps. "Hey-where are the kids?"

"Mom took them for the night and Michael is working late," he said, his hands stuffed in his pockets to keep her from seeing he was nervous. He'd had a couple days to plan this out in his head, but there was no guarantee it'd work in person.

"And this is?" she asked, pointing to the bottles.

John walked over and took a beer before popping it open, "You said the other day we needed to hash this out before we can co-parent. So, pick your poison and let's get this over with."

"I'll stay sober-thanks though," she said as she walked to the other side of the island, keeping distance was with him was probably for the best.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged and took a gulp of beer. "Where do you want to start? The FBI angle-the kiss on the docks-the restraining order?"

Natalie sighed, he was ready for a fight-and she mulled her options over in her head before deciding to start at the beginning, "How about the fact that you had your son back in your life for a total of four months before taking off to chase a ghost you had never spoken of? And one that Michael didn't know existed as well," she said, remembering the conversation her, Marcie, and Michael had in this very kitchen.

 _"Can we talk about your sister?" asked Natalie as she took a sip of the beer she'd been nursing. Eve had taken the kids for the night, so the three of them were talking and just enjoying each other's company. Able to bring up adult conversations outside of whispers, secret looks, and half truths._

 _Marcie shook her head, "Don't get him started."_

 _"No, Marce. It's ok. I want Natalie's take on that as well. Because my brother's surprise announcement hurt her just as much as me. I'm not sure who it did more damage too."_

 _"You didn't know about her? He never brought her up before?" asked Natalie, her eyebrows raised in surprise._

 _"Not until he told me over the phone-what seventeen years after the fact. Said he didn't want to tarnish my memories of Dad," he snorted and took a long sip of beer. "I'm sorry my brother's ghosts once again ruined your relationship, Natalie."_

 _"If it wasn't a ghost it would have been something else," she said softly to herself. "Did you talk with your mom about it? About your dad's indiscretion?"_

 _He nodded and just studied the bottle, "She knew about it. And about Theresa. Said that the two of them had a couple rough months-he slept at the station for a bit before she let him come back to the house. I don't remember that-maybe John does."_

 _"Apparently he's selective on his memories and what he wants to share with his family," she said as she finished her beer and went for another._

John shook his head, "When I found out I didn't have the relationship I do now with Mike. Thought it was best to let sleeping dogs lie."

"Bull shit. If you had really wanted to let it lie then you never would have gone to Port Charles and down the path you did that led to kissing Sam Morgan, now would you?" she said as she grabbed a glass and went for the vodka. Screw having a clear head for this conversation. It was going to hurt either way-might as well take something to numb the ache.

"Go straight for the jugular there, huh?" he said as he put aside his beer and poured himself a double whiskey.

"You could have told me when it happened. It still would've hurt, but I may have understood better hearing it from you instead of finding out from Todd of all people," she said with a sobering laugh.

"The man that handed me over to have my heart cut out was literally the one to destroy it by sending me the picture," she said as she pinched the bridge of her nose to keep her emotions in check. Four years later and it still hurt to relive that day.

"I know. But damn it, Natalie-you took off with my son and my passport. When have you ever run away from a fight?"

Natalie scoffed and poured both of them another round of their current drink of choice, "I wasn't the only one to run. We had just had this conversation-not six months prior-about you fighting for me. You said you would and then- _poof_ -you were gone."

"The restraining order, courtesy of your father, was because of that," he said as she watched his eyes turn dark at the mention of Clint Buchanan.

"Yeah, and I yelled at him-said some pretty nasty stuff when I realized that, and our relationship still isn't the same. The restraining order was rescinded as soon as I realized what he'd done," she said as she took a deep breath.

"You walked away from us, John. You just caved to my dad's wishes of breaking us up with that restraining order and walked away. That's what hurts the most. I thought we were stronger than that, John."

John watched her as she tried to keep the tears at bay, his own eyes betraying him as well. After all this time they could put up walls that no one else could get through-except for each other. They knew each other too well, too intimately for that to happen. It was just a look between the other that made it all crumble to dust.

Walking over he cautiously put his arms around her and pulled her into him. Waiting to see if she would fight him first before running his hand over her hair and making a soothing noise, "I'm here now, Natalie. I'm sorry I didn't fight before.

"I said it wrong the other day-when I said it was best not to join you in Dallas. God, I wanted to-I even had an e-mail notification set up for each time an opening happened there-I just never could go through with putting in the transfer.

"It goes back to why I didn't come back to Llanview during the restraining order. If I'm near you I can't not be with you, Natalie. Like staying out of your orbit when you were with Banks-it was for your happiness that I did so." He pushed her away, so he could look at her, his thumb wiping away the tears that had fallen. "All I've ever wanted for you was to be happy."

"I was with you. I always am."

John gave her a half smile and pushed her hair out of her face, "Me too."

Walking away from her for a moment he took a deep breath before speaking, "There was a moment in Port Charles I thought my life was over. I was trying to detonate this bomb. I'd sent everyone else away out of safety and had the bomb squad on the phone. They couldn't tell me which wire to cut. So, I hung up and looked at my phone's wallpaper-it was the picture from the Baptism. I told you both goodbye-called you my fiery redhead-and then thought what the hell and cut the red wire. You saved me again, Natalie."

Natalie wiped the tears from her eyes, new ones that had appeared at the thought of him not being on this Earth anymore, "Glad I could be of service."

John sighed, he knew there was more to go over-more tears to be shed, but it seemed like they had made progress just now, "So now what?"

"We could call Crosby-maybe he has a colleague in the area he could recommend," she said with a smirk and then started laughing at his reaction. "I'm joking. I don't want to do the counseling thing, John. I'd never make you talk to a stranger about your feelings-I know you too well."

He shook his head, "I will do whatever it takes. I mean it Natalie-it's not just Liam I want in my life-it's you too. We've spent too much time hurting each other."

"I know," she said with a soft smile at seeing him wanting to work towards something-what exactly she wasn't sure of. "Why don't we go get some dinner and discuss this co-parenting thing first?"

"Sounds like a good place to start," he smiled.

* * *

John wasn't surprised at what he found when he got home later. He'd caught Michael on more than one occasion lately just sitting in the darkened living room. This time he was asleep though with a home video of Marcie was paused on the television.

At dinner him and Natalie had brought Michael up-how they both thought he was doing. They figured the late nights at the hospital was a coping mechanism. They'd both dealt with loss of someone they loved, him with Caitlyn and her-well, if you took John and Cristian out of the equation then just Jared.

For both of them though-when it happened there was no children involved so they could do down into as deep of an abyss as necessary until they could find their way back out. For Michael though it was different-and they agreed to let him go in it if necessary, but still make sure to keep his eyes on what truly mattered.

"Come on big guy-let's get you to bed," said John as he walked over and shook his brother's shoulder.

"Marcie," he said, as his eyes popped open and saw it was John instead. "Hey-sorry. I just-," he stopped and wiped his eyes.

"It's ok, Mike," he said as he sat down beside him. "You want to talk about any of it?"

Michael laughed, "My brother wants to talk. John McBain-the man shrouded in silence?"

John shrugged and gave him a smirk, "I've been where you are. I kept it all in for too long-how about you try not to be like me, ok?"

"Ok," he said as he took a deep breath and the two brothers began talking into the night.


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey Jess," said Natalie as she answered her phone while sitting at her desk at the office. She was taking the next week off for Thanksgiving and had thought she was already gone when she got a call asking her to come in and supervise the chain of custody of some evidence for a high-profile case they were taking over from the local police.

"Hey-how is everything there? Mom said you weren't coming for Thanksgiving after all."

"Yeah. I just-I want to help Michael through this."

"And it has nothing to do with John being back in town?" teased Jessica. She knew her sister-and knew the dance her and John had probably started back up. But she also knew how big her sister's heart was and that she would do whatever it took to help a friend that was hurting.

"Well, you know-the only Buchanan that knows he's been back for the past month is you. So I figured it might not be the best thing if they ask Liam what he's thankful for while passing the cranberry sauce and he says his daddy," she laughed.

"Probably not. How are you two doing? John and Natalie-leave Liam out of this."

"We're-normal."

"Sweetie-you two have never been normal."

Natalie laughed at the truth in her sister's words, "Well, I don't know what else to call it. He's being Mr Mom to the kids after school while Michael and I wrap up our work day. I told you we cleared the air and-it's like after he stopped hating me while thinking Brody was Liam's father. We just are. No fights or arguments-just a couple glances or too long stares at each other. We aren't the focus right now, Jess-Michael and the kids are."

"You can't delay the inevitable. If Michael realizes you two are using him as a crutch-."

Natalie glanced over to see her Lead Tech peek his head in the door saying they were ready, "Well, it is what it is. Listen-I'm at work needing to supervise some evidence being brought in. I'll talk with you later?"

"Sure. Love you, Nat."

"Love you too, Jess," she smiled and put her phone in her pocket before going towards the lab.

* * *

"These are great seats, Mike. See-I knew you making the big bucks was good for something," teased John as the four McBain males got settled into their spot at CenturyLink Field to watch the Seahawks vs Eagles game.

Michael just shook his head, "These are my boss' seats. He was going to visit family out of town for the holiday and figured he'd give them up to the poor Eagles fan."

John nodded and got lost in his thoughts. The past month had been nice with Natalie-back into the roles of parents and partners. He'd been wondering when he could take the next step-make it something more than just the two of them helping Michael out. He'd caught himself fantasizing about her a few times and wasn't sure how much longer he could keep this charade up.

The buzzing sound next to him brought him back to reality and he looked over to see Michael was staring at his phone. "Hey-we said no phones."

"I gotta take this, Johnny," he said as he got up and walked back out of the seats and up the steps to get a quiet spot.

John looked around and noticed other people were suddenly starting to get notifications on their phones and wondered what was going on. A few minutes later Michael came back and motioned him back towards the aisle to talk. "Hey guys-stay right here," he said to the two boys and walked out. "What is it, Mike?"

"It's a code orange-it means potential mass casualties. I don't know all the details yet. But I've got to go to the hospital."

John looked back at their sons. He hated to make them leave the game before it started-they'd been talking it up all week, "Go. I'll stay here with them. We both know these two teams don't meet every year."

Michael nodded and patted his brother on the shoulder before taking off up the steps. As John got back in between the two boys he took a breath, "Gabe-your dad had to go to work for an emergency. But we're going to have fun and get to rub it in his face when the Eagles win and he missed it-right?"

"Yeah!" they both shouted and he laughed at them. A few minutes later his phone went off and he looked down to see a message from Michael.

 _It's the FBI building-they had some sort of explosion in the lab area is what the news is saying. At least we know Natalie is at home._

John felt the bile rise in his throat and messaged back. _Call her and just make sure._

He waited and felt his palms getting sweaty as the minutes ticked on without a response from his brother.

 _She didn't answer. I called mom. Apparently after we left for the game Natalie was called in to work. All she told mom was they needed her to come in for a big case._

John's heart dropped as he read the message-reading it again to make sure he saw it right. He didn't want to ruin the boys' day but he needed to get them home and get to Natalie. Slipping his phone in his pocket he felt the chain of the St Jude medal that he always kept in this jacket and started praying.

* * *

"Call me as soon as you know something," said Eve as she hugged John tightly before letting him leave the house after dropping the boys off.

She was going to take them all to the movies and ice cream-something to salvage the day they had planned. It was supposed to be a girl's day with mani-pedis and shopping for her, Natalie, and Ginny and a boy's day of football for the guys. Not this. Never this.

"I will. She's going to be fine, mom," he said softly so the kids didn't hear him. The boys were so mad-not understanding why they had to leave before kickoff.

"Just be safe, ok?" she said as she patted his chest-feeling how she used to feel when Thomas had to leave in the middle of the night for an emergency and leave her and the boys home alone.

"Always," he smiled before leaving the house. Jumping back in the car he hit Michael's number before backing out of the driveway.

"Did ya'll make it home?" asked Michael as he stepped away from one patient and paused before going to the next.

"Yeah. Any sign of her? If so I'll head your way-otherwise I'll go to the scene."

"No. John-listen-the number of survivors coming in is starting to dwindle. Maybe-maybe you should just stay at the house with mom and the kids."

John felt anger rise up at his brother's suggestion, "No. I'll head to the scene then."

Michael paused as he looked at his phone and saw the number that was calling, "Damn it. Both Jessica and Rex are blowing up my phone. John-I can't answer that-what do I tell them?"

John nodded, Jessica had tried his phone a few times while he was taking the boys back home, "Nothing. We ignore all calls from Buchanan's and Balsom's until we know something. You keep treating the injured. I'm going to the scene."

"You aren't an agent-they won't let you go in."

"I'll find a contact to let me in. Trust me, I can be very persuasive."

"I know," he said as he cracked a smile. "I've got to take the next person, John. Just-just be careful. Don't let Liam become an orphan, ok?"

John sighed, he hated when his brother got so damn pessimistic. "Fine. I'll see you later when they bring Natalie in. Alive, Mike," he said as he threw the phone down on the seat.

* * *

John made his way to the crime scene tape and tried to find a familiar face. Maybe there was a chance-someone that he had once talked with for more than a second would be here and they would let him in to help in the search.

He felt the breath knock out of him as he saw a flash of red on a gurney going towards an ambulance. Running parallel he got stopped by a guard, "That's-that's my," he paused-what the hell did he call Natalie. She wasn't his wife or his girlfriend. But she was more than a friend. She was his everything-her and Liam. "I know her-she's my son's mother," he said to the stranger and then heard another name call out to him from behind the line and smiled at the familiar face that waved him over.

He ducked under the tape and ran over to Brett, "Hey-I didn't know you were in Seattle now."

"Yeah. What are you doing here, Irish?"

"I was coming for her," he said as they made their way over to the gurney while the medics did a quick triage. Hearing the ringtone of her phone he looked at the medic, "May I?" and then pulled it out to see it was Bo.

He took a few steps away before taking a deep breath, "Bo. Hey."

"John? What-are you in Seattle?"

"Yeah," he said as he looked back to see they were still working on her, hearing them mention Seattle Grace he knew she'd be heading to Michael soon. "It's a long story. I just got to the scene."

"How bad is it?"

"I'm not sure yet-she isn't awake. She wasn't supposed to be here-she was supposed to be at the house with Mom and Ginny. They were having a girl's day while Mike and I took the boys to the game."

Bo nodded, knowing John for as long as he did he knew the man was torn between being there for Natalie and cop mode, "Focus on her. Call me as soon as you know something."

"I will-they are loading her into the ambulance now. Call Jessica and Rex. They've been blowing up Mike's phone. Tell them we could use an extra set of hands for the kids so come on."

"10-4. You two take care of my niece."

"Will do," he said as he hung up and texted his brother as he made a run for his car.

 _She's on your way._

* * *

Michael was standing at the bay doors when they rushed Natalie in. The whole time since he'd seen the text from John he'd been praying for her to make it to him. That if she survived the ambulance ride then maybe he'd be able to save her.

No-he had to. He hadn't been able to save Marcie, but he could save Natalie. His children and Liam were not going to lose both their mothers in a matter of a couple months.

"Hey, kid," he said to her, calling her by the nickname that him and John gave her at times-normally when they tried to separate their feelings from a situation. Doing so he cleared his head of the personal aspect of this and began barking orders as they pushed her down the hall. Hearing his brother's voice he looked back to see him gaining ground on them, "Let me handle this, John."

John nodded understanding the urgency of timing, "Ok, but first let me say something to her."

"Quickly."

John walked over and grabbed her hand, kissing it before leaning down and speaking softly, "Mike's got you. He's going to take care of you. Stay with us, ok? I'll see you when you get out. I love you, Natalie."

Michael watched as he brother put her hand back down and looked up at him, seeing tears beginning to form. He'd been there after the rescue from the pit and the tornado-neither time had he seen them. "I've got her, John. She'll be fine," he said as he patted him on the shoulder and kept moving down the hall.

* * *

John walked into the hospital chapel and took a seat on the back pew. He'd called Bo and gave him as much as an update as he could. Michael was working on her now-they had ruled out internal bleeding but were worried about the head and back trauma she had received.

His mind went to all the other times he'd been waiting for her in the hospital.

The pit. It had taken him so long to find her. Almost too long. So long that even his hope was beginning to fade. But he remembered them lowering him into the pit and realizing exactly how damn strong she really was.

The tornado. She'd been trying to help him-as much as he didn't want it and kept telling her so. She helped those she loved that were hurting. He'd watched her do it with him, Cristian, her siblings and parents. Anyone that she cared the littlest bit about. He smiled-that was one of the things he loved about her, her heart.

Llantano Mountain. She was so damn bossy at times. Insisting she had to help them with the getaway car. But if she hadn't been remembering her moments with Jared then he wouldn't have accepted he still had feelings for her. At least not in time for Liam to be conceived.

Liam's birth. God she was stubborn-keeping that secret to herself on the paternity issue and putting them both in danger by going to the cabin. He wished she'd believed in him enough back then to tell him the truth sooner. He would have had more time to process it all before Liam had been placed in his arms. A boy that was now back at home having no clue that his mom was in danger.

Angel Square. Before today this is the one that probably scared him the most. One because he wasn't expecting to walk around the corner and see her lying on the ground in the condition she was. And two-he still wasn't sure how she'd survived the fall.

So today would be the sixth time he'd held his breath while waiting at the hospital for her to be ok. And like most of the other times he'd get his head out of his ass and go for her. Too much time and tears had been wasted while they were apart.

Closing his eyes, he leaned his elbows onto his knees and covered his face in his hands. He'd sit here in the silence-as long as it took for Michael to find him and tell him everything was fine and he can see her now.


	6. Chapter 6

As he walked into the sterile ICU room the sounds of the machines just blended into the background. Michael had gone over the injuries before sending John in. She had a collapsed lung and bruised ribs, both of which had now been mended. There was some swelling on the brain, but it seemed minimal.

When the blast happened she must have been walking towards it because the injuries seemed to have coincide with her being thrown backwards which was now causing swelling on her spinal column. They weren't sure yet if there was any paralysis and the extent of it if so. That would be determined once she was awake. For the time being they had placed her in a medically induced coma to give body time to heal itself.

He grabbed a chair and pulled it right up to the bed before taking her hand in his, "Hey there. It's me. You need to keep fighting, ok? I talked with Jess. Her and the kids just landed. She said she's going to get a hotel room for the night-that way mom isn't watching five kids on her own-but she'll be here in the morning.

"Rex and Gigi are on their way-your parents and Rox too. I'll try to be civil with your dad, but I'm not making any promises," he said with a slight smirk, imagining her waking up to tell him to be nice.

"So you are stuck with me for the night. I'm not leaving until you open those eyes, ok? I came back for you before-it's your turn to do the same for me," he said as he kissed her forehead before leaning back and just watching her sleep before nodding off himself.

* * *

John walked down the steps into the living room of the house after taking a shower. Michael had woken him up this morning, his head laying in her lap. He'd been dreaming of them being on the rooftop again-watching the stars and just enjoying the quiet.

Michael had ordered him to go home-that Liam needed him. And John had began to argue with his brother until he told him Liam was scared, that he thought what happened to Marcie was going to happen to his mom. That she'd go into the hospital and never come out. That was all it took for John to come back here.

Most of the Buchanan's were at the hospital now-just Gigi and Roxy had stayed back for the morning shift to help with the kids. The plan was to switch out later-John hoping to avoid Clint as long as possible.

Sitting down on the bottom step he watched Shane help the kids with a craft project of some sort.

"What did Rex say?" he asked as Gigi came back over and sat down beside him.

"Tests came back clear. Lung capacity is back to normal. Still no signs of internal injuries. Brain damage seems to be near zero. So far no increase in swelling on the spinal column. Jessica and Viki were going to sit with her awhile. Him and Clint were in the waiting room."

John nodded, unable to come up with any words. His mind had been going everywhere since leaving the game with the boys and he still wasn't sure where it would land from one second to the next "I can't lose her," he confessed softly to himself and Gigi.

Gigi smiled at someone that had once been her boss and also a friend. She remembered how lost he'd looked after the non-wedding. Different circumstances and years later he still seemed lost, "Natalie told me you were back."

He turned to look at her and was surprised, "Really? I thought the only family member that knew was Jess."

She shook her head, "No-she told me, but asked me not to tell Rex. I think she didn't want to hear it from him. How he'd remind her of all the times you've hurt each other."

"You've always been good at keeping her secrets," he grinned and watched her give him a look. "Sorry. I couldn't help it. Here's my secret-I hated being away from them these past four years. But I knew that she was ok and Liam was ok. And that as long as they were I could accept being away from them. For us to be back around each other now and this to happen-I can't lose her, I just can't. I can raise Liam by myself if necessary-that's not a problem. It's the idea of this world being void of her spirit. I just can't imagine that. You know?"

"Definitely," she said with a soft smile at his sudden openess of what he was feeling. The moment was broken when they heard shouting from the kids and saw Liam take off downstairs.

"Excuse me," he said as he got up and followed his son. "Liam?" he called softly as he made it to the bedroom.

"Go away," he said, his voice muffled as his face was buried into a pillow.

"Sorry buddy-that's not going to happen. Talk to me."

"I don't want you. I want my mom-I don't want her to go to heaven yet," he said as his face turned to John and he saw those blue eyes filled with tears.

John's heart broke at Liam's words-the fear the little boy had right now was more than any kid his age should. And yet-except for Shane all the rest of the kids upstairs only had one parent.

Sitting down on the bed he wasn't sure exactly what to say, so just decided to let all the thoughts that had been going through his head come out. That maybe they could bring their son a little solace that he was just as worried about Natalie, "Did your mom ever tell you how we met? That I was working a case and she was-a part of it. That first time we met I knew there was something special about her. And then as the years went by she proved it to me time and time again. How strong she was. How stubborn she was. How she had the biggest heart and could forgive almost anyone that wronged her. Even me. I know she's going to be ok, Liam. She's going to come back to us."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because she's not done yet. Not with you. Not with me. Not with anyone that's ever been lucky enough to be part of her life. There's not much else we can do right now but wait. But we can do it together-if you want."

"Can I go with you to see her later? When you go back to the hospital?"

John shook his head, "I wish you could, but they won't let kids go back to where she is right now. Plus all she's really doing right now is sleeping." Looking at his son he realized that even though he may be the mirror image of John in features his facial expressions and heart were all Natalie. The best of both of them. "Why don't we skip the upstairs stuff for a bit? We can grab some crayons and paper and make her some get well signs of our own to see when she wakes up? Just from us, ok?"

"Ok," he smiled and ran upstairs to get supplies.

* * *

When John, Roxy, and Gigi walked off the elevator they were surprised to see Clint was still here-they thought him and Rex left when Jessica and Vicki did.

"So when do you think it will be safe to transfer her back to Llanview?" asked Clint to Natalie's current doctor.

"I really can't say, Mr Buchanan. With the potential of paralysis we really need to find out the extent of it before we can do anything else. I'm sure you want to put your daughter's safety first."

"Of course," he said and saw John had come over. "What do you want, McBain?"

"I'm trying to figure out why you are hell bent on taking my family away from me again," he said as he got up in Clint's face, ignoring Gigi trying to pull him back.

"Your family?" the older man laughed. "They stopped being your family when you hooked up with that two-bit hussy and left them."

"What I did is on me-but you were the one that created the restraining order that kept us apart. I'm back in their life and I'm not walking away this time. And I'm not letting Natalie walk away either."

"We'll see about that."

Michael and Rex rushed around the corner where Roxy had found them and saw the two standing nose to nose-both sure John was about to take a swing at the other man.

"Johnny, back down," said Michael as he rushed over and pulled is brother back while Rex did the same with Clint.

"I'm fine, Mike," he said as he pulled his arm out of brother's grasp. "I need to go see Natalie," he said as he left the rest of them alone and walked towards the ICU and waited to be buzzed in.

As he made it to the room he felt a sudden rush of fear go through him. Not that she was going to die, but that Clint Buchanan was going to get his wish and separate his family from him.

Sitting down on the bed he just hung his head and took a couple deep breaths, "Natalie, I know I screwed up before. With going to Port Charles and the Sam thing. And then going in the FBI and never looking back. And I know we've already gone over this and I feel like we've settled things between us. But when you wake up you can't leave me again, ok?

"It's not just because of Liam. I need you too. You are my heart, Natalie. With you around life is so much better. Do you remember what I said at the airport? Above all others you belong with me. I still believe that, sweetheart," he said softly as he pushed her hair back and let his hand linger along her jaw line for a moment.

Hearing the door open he turned to see his brother come in, "Where is Clint?"

"Him and Rex left. I told Roxy to let me come in and check on you before she came in."

"He wants to move her. Thinks just because her name and mine aren't the same that he has more rights to her. She's not a piece of property, Mike."

"I know," he said and watched his brother in silence, unsure of what to say to keep him from jumping off a ledge he was obviously already staring down into. "They are going to start weaning her off the medication for the coma. It might take a day or so to get it all out of her system but she should be waking up soon. Then we can take the next step to recovery."

"Good," he said as he took her hand and held it tight. "And I'm going to be there every step of the way. I don't care what Clint Buchanan thinks-this is my family too and I'm not leaving them again."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Hope people are enjoying this story. Kinda quiet out there on this one. One more chapter and we are done. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie felt like she was coming out of a tunnel and began to hear voices. She could hear both John and Jessica having a conversation. That didn't make sense-why would Jessica be in Seattle? Something else seemed off, but she wasn't sure just yet what it was. So instead she sat there for a few more moments listening to them.

"I get your point of view on this John. I do. But he's just trying to do what he feels like is best for his daughter."

"I understand the need to get her the best treatment out there-but shouldn't it be her decision? Shouldn't she get to decide where she wants to recover at? How would you feel if suddenly you were told you had to leave Texas where you've established yourself and get back under you dad's thumb."

"You just don't like my dad."

"Can you blame me? I have two words for you-restraining order. Surprised he hasn't tried that one again," he snarked back and then put his attention back onto Natalie.

Jessica gave a half smile, "Well, I promise I won't suggest that to him."

"Thank you," he said and felt Natalie's hand move in his and then her eyes began to open. "Hey," he said with a smile, feeling like he'd breathed for the first time in three days.

"Hey you two," she said and cracked a smile.

"Glad to see you are back," smiled Jessica as she went towards the door. "I'm going to find Michael. I'll be right back."

Natalie studied John for a moment and then realized what felt so off, "John?"

"Yeah?" he asked as he kept rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand, glad to hear her say his name once again. At hearing the fear in her voice he looked to her and knew there must be some paralysis.

"I can't-why can't I feel my legs?"

John took a deep breath, "It's going to be ok. Mike and the doctors are hopeful that it'll only be temporary."

Natalie's eyes filled with tears, "Hopefully? What the hell happened? How are you so damn calm?"

He said it wrong-he needed to wait for Michael to get here before saying another word. He'd be better at explaining it all. "Let's wait for Mike. He can explain all that to you. Do you remember going to the lab?"

Natalie nodded, "There was a case they needed me to supervise chain of custody of the evidence. I remember talking with Jessica-and then my tech came and got me. Was-was there an explosion in the lab?"

John nodded, not wanting to tell her yet that the three tech's that had been with her hadn't survived. Hearing the door open he looked to see his brother and another doctor he didn't know yet.

"Hey Nat-welcome back," he grinned, trying to find a balance between being professional and being a friend. "This is Dr Rebecca Walden-she's our spinal specialist."

"So I am paralyzed?" she asked bluntly.

The other doctor walked up and smiled, "For now-but I've looked at your tests. It seems to be only temporary. I don't see why after time and rehab you won't regain full use. We just have to retrain your brain. It's not going to be quick or easy-but at your age I don't see why you won't be able to walk again. I'm going to let you process that before throwing more on you-I'll be back by later."

Natalie blinked furiously and then wiped the tears from her eyes, "Thank you, Dr Walden. Michael. John. Can you give me and Jess a moment alone?"

"Uhm, sure. I'll be right outside," said John as he got up from his seat and walked out with his brother. He was surprised she had sent him away, "You think she's ok?"

Michael chuckled at his brother, "I think she will be. I also think she just had the wind knocked out of her at the realization that she can't use her legs at the moment. Why don't you give her some space-go home and help with the kids. Maybe have Vicki and Roxy come here. I'm sure she could use both her moms more than us right now."

Jessica turned to watch John walk off before putting her full attention back to Natalie and sitting on the edge of the bed, "Hey-no worries. You are going to be back up and running in no time. No pun intended."

Natalie kept her head down, fidgeting with the edge of the hospital blanket, "What were you and John talking about when I woke up?"

"Oh, nothing," she shrugged off.

"It wasn't nothing. I heard dad being brought up. What happened?"

Jessica sighed, she wasn't going to give up, "The first day we were here John walked in on dad and another doctor talking. Dad wanted to know when it would be safe to have you go back home to Llanview and do rehab there instead of staying here in Seattle. John made it pretty clear he wasn't keen on the idea-at least not without your consent."

She nodded in thought, "What did the doctor say?"

"What? You-you aren't seriously thinking about leaving here."

"Why not? I mean there's nothing here keeping me."

"Natalie Banks. There is everything keeping you here. There is your job-."

"Not including me there were three technicians in the lab before the explosion. How many survived, Jess?"

She gave a deep sigh, wishing someone else had to break the news, "Just you."

Natalie leaned her head back and closed her eyes, "Just me. Wow."

Jessica nodded in sympathy, "Michael still needs you. Those two kids still need you. Did you see the banner they made you? Oh, and Liam made you a few cards-I think John may have helped too," she laughed as she turned around and grabbed the cards off the table.

"I'm no good to Michael if I can't use my legs, Jess. I just watched you brush up against my leg when you turned-and you know what I felt? Nothing. Absolutely nothing!" she yelled, her anger at the sitituation rising.

"What about John? I know he won't leave Liam's side again-or your's. He's barely left you since you got here."

"John can keep Liam here in Seattle," she said softly as she felt tears begin to start again. The thought of being away from her boy was hard-but the thought of him seeing her like this was worse. Plus she wouldn't take him away from his dad again.

"You don't mean that, sweetie," she said as she wiped a tear of her own away.

"No, I do. Because you are right-Michael still needs support. So Liam and John can stay here-I'll-I'll just go back to Llanview and not have to worry about being a burden to anyone."

"You are impossible at times, you know that? You are not and have never been a burden. You are my stronger half-always. And I am forever grateful for that. Since you've come into my life it's always been you to pick me up when I'm down. Even when I didn't know I needed it you were there. So now it's my turn. I'm giving you ten minutes for this pitty party and then that's it. Do you hear me?"

Natalie couldn't help but crack a smile at her sister bossing her around, "I hear you, but I just-I don't know what to do."

"We'll figure it out-together. Everyone is here for you, Natalie. You don't have to do this alone," she said as she squeezed her sister's hand.

* * *

Natalie tried to not let the quietness of the room over take her, but it was hard. They'd moved her to a private room on the orthopedic floor and then she'd sent everyone home for the night-needing time to rest and decide the next move. She'd brought up to Rex what her and Jessica had talked about-possibly going somewhere else for rehab. He was a little more keen on the idea than Jessica-saying he would go along with whatever she wanted.

What she wanted to do right now was stare at her legs and plead for them to move or feel something. But of course that wasn't going to happen. Sighing and wiping the tears away she looked up to see John walk back in, "Hey. I thought you'd left for the night."

"I had," he said as he pulled out her cell phone. "But when I got home there was a little boy that pleaded with me to see you. To know his mom was ok."

"I'm far from ok, John," she snarked at him.

"You will be. When I had to break his heart again and tell him no I promised him the next best thing. Call my phone," he said and handed the phone to her.

Natalie waited as it rang and then watched as the video chat came up and she saw her boy smiling back at her, "Hey baby."

"Mom!" he shouted, his face breaking out into a smile that John saw was completely his mom's. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she said, realizing this was truly the longest the two of them had ever been apart. "Are you being good for everyone? I hear you've got a lot of cousins that you've been playing with."

"He's being the best," interjected John.

"When are you coming home?"

"I don't know. Liam," she said as she looked over to John. "As soon as I know something I'll let you know. I'm sorry you didn't get to see the Eagles play."

"It's ok," he shrugged. "Uncle Rex and Uncle Mike are going to take us to a trampoline park tonight."

"Sounds fun. Hope they doesn't load you up on too much sugar and junk food," she laughed. "You have fun-I'll see you soon though. Ok, buddy? I love you."

"Love you too, Mom. Love you, Dad."

"Love you, buddy," he said and then the call ended.

Natalie felt the tears coming and couldn't keep them from showing. This was all so unfair. To her. To the technicians that had died. To Liam. To John. She watched as John pulled out a hankerchief from his pocket and handed it over to her. Wiping her eyes she tried to put on a brave front, "Have you heard anything from the Bureau on what happened exactly?" she asked, knowing that John would be itching to get down to the bottom of it all.

John nodded, "My friend Brett-we went through Quantico together. He's with the Seattle office too and told me some-apparently there were some dirty cops that were in on some underground dealings. The FBI was called in to oversee it as it all went down. One of these low lifes slipped a pipe bomb in the evidence bag. There were also other bombs that had been attached to the underside of a few agent vehicles. Those went off in traffic causing more fatalities than just the g-men."

"I hadn't made it all the way into the lab. That's why I survived?"

John nodded, "Most likely."

It was so much to hit her at once with, "Liam's going to need you a lot in the coming months. You ready to take it all on?"

"He'll have you too," he reassured her.

She gave out a strangled laugh, "I'm useless John. Look at me."

"You are far from useless. You are still my strong, fierce fiery redhead. Always," he said as he pushed her hair behind her ear.

"I don't feel very strong or fierce at the moment," she said, lowering her head and avoiding eye contact.

John gave her a half smirk as he lifted her chin up and made their eyes connect, "You will. I remember right after the accident how low I felt and how impossible the task seemed. But you'll make it through to the other side."

"What if there is no other side? What if I never can use my legs again? I'm not that shallow about being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. I just don't know how to raise Liam if I am. Or work. Or-anything."

"We've got all the time in the world to figure it out. No reason. to get it all planned out tonight. And I'm here-with you-for you. You and me, Natalie. No looking back. Only forward, ok?" he said as he took her hand in his and just held it quietly.

"Yeah, of course," said Natalie as she stared at her hand in his. She wanted to put on the brave face he was asking of her-wanted to say she knew it would all be ok in the end. But a part of her wondered still if it would be better for her to focus on herself and let John focus only on raising Liam.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Well, this one is done. I'll never say never, but at this point I'm pretty sure this is my last chapter story. Kinda bittersweet. Until Christmas when you get a Joliday story (woo hoo!)-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie felt nervous as she sat in her room. She wasn't sure why-this was what she wanted to do. What was best-despite what others may have said. She didn't want to be a burden-especially John.

So why did she feel like she was betraying John by going down this road? Last night his words and actions were about being there every step of the way. And as sweet as it sounded she couldn't do that to him.

So she'd written out a letter to have delivered to him later, once she was on the way to rehab. She explained herself as well as she could-that what she needed most from him wasn't support for herself. What she needed from him right now was to take care of Liam. To help him understand why she was going away for rehab.

She just hoped John would forgive her and be there still at the end of it all.

Dr Walden said she thought it would be a six-month stint to get either her legs working or be adjusted enough to the wheelchair that she could then reintroduce Liam to the new normal. Whatever that may be.

Tears still sprung to her eyes at the thought of not being around him for so long, but it was for the best-it had to be.

As the door opened, she smiled, "Hey Dad."

"Hey sweetheart," he said and came and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I was surprised when I got your message that you wanted me to come by myself."

"Yeah, I need your Buchanan resources for something," she said and took a deep breath. "I need you to get me moved out of Seattle. It doesn't matter if it's in or out of the country-as long as it's the best rehab center. It also needs to be done as discretely as possible."

"Of course," he said as he took a seat next to her bed. "Can I ask where this is coming from?"

"I need to do my rehab on my own. I don't want John to know where I'm going."

* * *

John motioned his brother to the steps going downstairs into the in-law suite. Something seemed up that neither of the McBain brothers were privy to.

First, Clint suddenly said he had to deal with a BE thing and left the house and just now he'd watched Jessica and Rex talk in whispers before heading downstairs.

As they made their way down, they heard the two siblings talking and then Jessica bring up how they know it's impossible to talk Natalie out of an idea when she gets it in her head.

"What's Natalie's latest idea?" asked John as him and Michael came into the room.

"Nothing. Why do you think she has an idea?" asked Rex, suddenly going onto a defensive stance that John recognized all too well.

John actually laughed at Rex, "Because I've known you and Natalie both long enough and can see from a mile away when either of you are up to something. So, spill it, Balsom."

"For the record I am not up to anything this time. I actually want her to stay here. She's going to need family during her recovery. And she considers you two family."

"Stay? Is she going somewhere?" asked a confused John.

Jessica interrupted the two, figuring she could explain it the best, "You know how she is-she hates for people to feel sorry for her. She wants to recover in private. Leave Liam with you while she does this all on her own.

"Which is fine, I guess. Except I can remember how she always at my side after my alters came out. Even when Tess tried to kill her she was there holding my hand. And you John-after the plane crash and the accident. How can we let her do this on her own when she's never let us do something on our own? Even when we've told her we don't need or want her help."

John stood there silently, remembering the moments where he tried to push her away and she refused to let him do it on his own. "You're right. We can't. So where do we start?" he asked as they began to brainstorm their own plan to keep her right where she needed to be.

* * *

As the brothers made it off the elevator, Michael turned and looked at John. He'd been thinking about this on the drive over and decided he needed to say this, "Hey, Johnny-let me take the lead on this."

"What? No. If anyone can get through to her and this stupid idea, it's me."

"Yeah, because you calling her idea stupid is a great way to get her to not leave town. Let me try-if I start screwing it up you can be my wingman," he grinned.

"Fine," he griped and opened the door to her room. "Hey."

"Hey guys," she said, surprised to see them walk in the door. "I thought Jessica and Gigi were coming over. Not you two."

"Yeah, well they were," said Michael as he looked at his brother before starting to talk. "But then they let it slip that you were leaving us-and we just can't have that, Nat."

Natalie gave a shy smile and then felt like she couldn't look John in the eye. "John, if you think I'm taking Liam away from you-I'm not. I know you need to stay here and help with Gabe and Ginny. So, I want him to stay here with you."

John shook his head, "Nope. Not going to happen."

"John," she sighed. She didn't know how it was blabbed to these two, but it was pissing her off. This is exactly why she didn't want them to know. Because they could both be just as stubborn as she was.

Michael stepped forward a bit, "What my brother is trying to say is that for the last six months you have been helping the McBain's out. And we are and always will be grateful for that. But now it's time for the McBain's to help you out-so John and Liam are going with you-."

"But the kids," interrupted Natalie.

"Roxy's staying in Seattle. At least until the New Year," answered John. They had known Natalie would use the kids as an excuse and had tried to solve that problem before bringing it up to her.

"The hotel and the salon won't run themselves, John."

He nodded and took a step forward, "Nigel's going to help with the hotel. We're still working on the salon, but we'll have it covered.

"What everyone-and I mean us, the Buchanan's, and the Balsom's, has realized through all of this is you are our heart, Natalie. Each one of us can remember a time when we were down because of illness, heartbreak, or demons and you were there to help us back up whether we deserved it or not. You stayed by our side until we were whole again. And now you are the one that's hurt. It's our turn to take care of you."

Natalie smiled through tears and covered her face, "I love you two."

"Right back atcha, kid," smiled Michael as he watched his brother go to the bed and sit down next to her. It was almost slow motion as he watched John put his hand on her leg and then Natalie took a quick breath. His smile got wider as he saw the shocked expression on her face at feeling something, "I'm going to have Rebecca paged," he said and left quickly.

John looked down at his hand resting there and then back at Natalie who was in full out tears at this point, "You felt that?" he asked, as he began to rub her leg back and forth.

"Yeah," she said in a whisper, trying to find her voice suddenly. "I-I was sure that wouldn't happen. That everyone was just saying it to make me feel hopeful. I should know by now never to doubt any of them-especially you."

"You got that right," he said and leaned forward, taking her mouth in his. Pulling back, he put his head against hers for a second before speaking softly, and letting his fears come to the surface, "You can't leave me, ok?"

Natalie could hear the tremble in his voice, one that was rare for John to let out, "I'm not, I promise. We can do this together. We're always better together, aren't we?"

"Damn straight," he grinned and pulled back some so he could look at her better.

"When the accident happened, I sat in the chapel and had all these memories of you being in the hospital before. And how each time I held my breath for you to be ok. We've had so much wasted time and near misses," he said as he slipped his hand in his pocket. He was pretty sure Michael hadn't seen him whisper a request to his mom back at the house. Or when she'd slipped it into his hand a few minutes later.

"We definitely have. And I'm sorry I thought about leaving you and Liam and doing this myself. It was just me being me."

"I know-I get it. And then your dad was ready to ship you away from me. I realized that I didn't have much say in your well-being because this isn't on your finger" he smiled and pulled the ring out and held it in front of her. "So how about this going back on your finger and not coming off this time?"

Natalie stared at the ring for a minute. She never thought she'd see it again-or that this would be happening so fast. Hell-seconds ago they had just shared their first kiss in four years. But this felt right-felt like the next logical step. Besides, when had they ever taken anything slow?

"Say something," he whispered as he leaned down a bit to make eye contact with her. Her silence was making him nervous about her answer.

"No-yes. I'll marry you," she smiled and watched as slipped the ring back on her finger.

Pulling her into a hug John stayed there holding her for a good minute before hearing the door open and then a courtesy cough from behind him. Turning he looked to see Michael standing there with a goofy grin on his face.

"About damn time," he laughed and then let the doctor come in so they could start some tests and discuss a new plan of action.

* * *

 _Six months later_

John walked down the hallway of Shepherd Center in Atlanta. They'd chosen to come here instead of staying in Seattle. Give them a place to focus on her recovery away from daily outside influences.

At the halfway point of it all they'd decided to make Atlanta their permanent home-despite pleas from both Seattle and Llanview to come back home. It wasn't that they didn't want to be near their loved ones-it was they knew they needed to make a new normal with just the three of them first.

His mind went back through all the they'd faced during this time. The tears that had been shed.

 _"Ugh," said Natalie as she fell against the counter and then felt John come behind her to grab her and ease her back into the wheelchair. "This sucks."_

 _"Yes, it does, but you are getting better," he said as he pushed her hair back and kissed her neck. He'd been over to the side of the kitchen watching her for a few minutes as she attempted to stand and do something as simple as get a glass of water. They'd been in this apartment a few months, and though she could put weight on her feet and scoot along, she was pushing herself to a point that she just wasn't ready for yet._

 _"No, I'm not. This is why I didn't want you to come," she said as the tears that were becoming a regular occurrence started again. "I didn't want you and Liam to see me like this. You two should go back to Seattle."_

 _Turning the chair around and kneeling in front of her he took her hands in his before speaking, "How many times have I told you that's not going to happen? Remember after the accident? Remember how as much as I tried to keep you out of my recovery, I admitted I needed you there? It's a two-way street, sweetheart."_

There had been happy tears too,

 _"How are we doing today champ?" asked John as he walked into the rehab room and saw Natalie sitting there on a chair, her head down. She'd been doing better lately-but he was worried a setback might have occurred by watching her body language._

 _"Don't move," she said as she looked up at him and smiled, her watery eyes showing a different emotion than he'd been seeing for five months._

 _John felt like he was watching a movie as she stood up and began walking towards him. No walker, no cane. Lifting her feet and not shuffling her way across the fifteen feet that separated them. His eyes were filled with tears as she reached him and leaned up to kiss him. He couldn't help but pick her up off the floor and swing her around as they both laughed._

Nodding at familiar face he had begun to recognize over these last six months, he began to twirl the band on his left hand, a habit he had caught himself doing on multiple occasions over the last two months.

 _"Mrs. McBain, will you come in here for a moment?" called John from the living room._

 _"I love hearing that," she said from the hallway as she made her way slowly using a cane to walk._

 _John smiled at looking at her in the short white dress she'd worn today to the courthouse. They had talked about waiting until rehab was over, but she still had two months left and they didn't want to wait any longer. Maybe someday they'd have a true reception-but for today it had just been them and Liam standing before the judge._

 _"Me too," he said and nodded to Liam who hit play on his dad's phone and a slow jazz song filled the air. "I believe it's time for our first dance?" he grinned as he scooped her into his arms and propped the cane out of the way._

 _"I believe so," she said as she laid her head on his chest and let him glide her around the room. The past four months had been hard-almost impossible at times, but to know when she pushed, he would push right back-made this moment just that much more special. They'd seen each other at their best and their worst-and knew the other would always be there to wipe away the tears and keep the ghosts away._

Walking around the corner he saw her sitting on a bench across from the doctor's office and smiled, "You good to go?"

"Yep," she said as she stood up and felt as he, by habit, grabbed her waist to help steady her. "Hey-I'm not an invalid you know. And I have the paperwork to prove it," she beamed and handed him the release to full duty.

"They'll be happy at the office," he smiled as he kissed her. He'd gone back to the FBI-and she'd taken a vacant tech position they had. She was only doing lab work until doctor's approval to go back in the field. "Ready to pick up our son and go home?"

"Home," she smiled, and leaned into him.

"Yeah, home," he said and kissed her head as they walked out together. She was his heart-he'd known it for years, but this had proven it. And as cliché as it sounded wherever she was-that was home.


End file.
